Nate Hanna
| Nathan Hanna | |
 Nate Hanna's High School Senior Photo | |
| Name | Nathan Hanna |
| Chapter | Beta Iota The Ohio State University |
| Date Inducted | Winter Quarter 2012 |
| Roll Number | 478 |
| Alumni Chapter/Assoc | Columbus Area Alumni Association |
| Honorary Member | |
| Major | BS Psychology |
| Birthdate | October 14th |
| Spouse | |
| Nicknames | |
| Awards | Most Hilarious |
Nate Hanna (Born Nathan Edward Hanna; October 14, 1991) was a brother, programming chair, and initiate advisor of the Beta Iota chapter of Phi Sigma Pi. Nate was also short-listed in 2013 as a key candidate to replace Pope Benedict as leader of the Catholic Church, however, he was defeated by Jorge Bergolgio in a stunning upset.
Nate was initiated in the Alpha Nu class in the winter of 2012 and served in the Fraternity for 2 subsequent years. During his years of service he was known as one of the most powerful, intelligent, and ruthless members the Order has ever seen; in the years since his departure, his name has become the stuff of legend, whispered in hushed tones and talked about only in the darkest of shadows.
Contents
Personal Life
Early Life
Nate was born at 3:02am on the Morning of October 14th, 1991 in Cleveland Heights, Ohio; two months later, the Soviet Union collapsed. Nate is the son of Maureen Easley, a Speech Language Therapist, and Michael Hanna, a lawyer. Nate has three siblings, Andrew, Erin, and Matt. Nate is 42.2% British and Irish, 19.0% French and German, 2.7% Iberian, 0.7% Italian, 1.1% Eastern European, 0.1% Ashkenazi, and 0.2% African.
Nate's early years were spent being raised by his single mother in a downtrodden neighborhood in Cleveland, Ohio. At age 4 he and his family moved to the quiet suburb of
Mentor, Ohio. He immediately became a revered and respected member of the community, known far and wide for his philanthropic efforts such as the time he shared his toys during indoor recess or when he so bravely returned a marble to the toy store after accidentally stealing it. Nate also greatly contributed to the arts of the city by penning a play that won a competition and was performed live by a set of actors at the Cleveland Playhouse. It was about a T-Rex baby stuck in a hole that is saved by a Brontosaurus due to the dinosaur's long neck. As a result of this, the T-Rex and Brontosaurus put aside their differences and live in harmony. Sadly, Nate's artistic career was brought to abrupt end when he was caught plagiarizing the movie Hocus Pocus for a 1st grade homework assignment.
However, Nate's time in Mentor was not without strife and struggle. On November 10, 1997 Nate was caught by his mother trying to smuggle two quarters hidden inside of a Hercules action figure out of his baby sitter's home. He was promptly given a harsh scolding. Nate came into contact with the law again when he got detention on September 16, 1999 after throwing cookies at a kid who was sitting at the other end of the lunch table. To this day Nate defends that the victim in question asked for cookies and Nate threw them because he couldn't reach; however, his appeal to the detention was repeatedly denied. To this day there remains a strong movement dedicated to proving Nate's innocence.
At age 11, to escape persecution, Nate moved to Strongsville, Ohio, home of Ziggy and a really cool shopping mall. Nate kept a low profile for the next several years, laying the foundation needed for his return to the public scene. At age 14 Nate entered high school and immediately became super popular. He was totally the star of the football, basketball, and hockey teams, and everyone thought he was really cool and smart. All the popular kids invited him to parties and to their lunch tables. He was really cool and totally not a really skinny kid that liked emo music and dressed in black hoodies that were too big. Nate was a key member of many of Strongsville High School's prized clubs, such as the Italian Club, Movie Club, and Comedy Club. During school Nate made money by lifeguarding at Westview pools and bussing tables at Don's Pomeroy House. It is said that his skills both in guarding lives and bussing tables were unparalleled.
University
Nate enrolled at Ohio State University in the fall quarter of 2010. He majored in Psychology and Pre-medicine at Ohio State. It was there that he quickly became one of the greatest students the university had ever seen, excelling at every field from college algebra to introduction to statistics. During the winter quarter of his freshman year, Nate became an editor at the Grove, a literary magazine for the university. He published two stories while on the journal: the Snake and the Mouse and Number 124. Both of them immediately became New York Times best sellers, despite that they were published in a free online magazine. Movie versions of these stories are currently in the works with Nate in an advisory role.
Some of Nate's other accomplishments during his freshman year include privatizing Ohio State's parking system and starting the University on its conversion to the semester system.
Phi Sigma Pi
Initiation
Given his impressive credentials, Nate was extended an invitation to join the Beta Iota chapter of Phi Sigma Pi. Looking for a place to apply his talents, Nate graciously accepted the invitation and was brought into the initiation process.
Nate was given Nate Kralik as a big during the initiation process. He learned much under his new sensei; throughout the semester, Nate Kralik spent hours innumerable imparting upon his protege lessons in eastern philosophy, western philosophy, bushido, poetry, and transcendental meditation. While honing his skills mentally, Kralik also provided a complete education in the physical arts as well, such as krav maga, ninjitsu, kickboxing, and kendo. Though his accomplishments were impressive before meeting his Big, Nate was only able to achieve his full potential after training under Kralik. Though it all started well, however, Nate's past would eventually catch up with him.
Shortly before the half-way vote, Nate's previous atrocities concerning stealing quarters and plagiarizing Hocus Pocus came to light. The news of his dark past disturbed many members of the Fraternity's highest order: eBoard. The debate to keep or discard him during initiation was a hard one, with strong feelings on both sides. In a grassroots effort to combat his newfound negative image, Nate formed a Facebook group dedicated to keeping him in the club. It is thought by many experts that this Facebook group actually hurt Nate's chances during the heated debate.
It is unknown exactly what transpired in the hallowed halls of Lazenby Hall that allowed Nate to pass the vote. There are many rumors, including a heated speech by Nate Kralik as well as a martial arts competition between the two warring sides. Though the Order was split down the middle regarding his initiation, a consensus was made: Nate would move on.
Nate was inducted as a Brother during the Induction Ceremony of Winter 2012.
Brother
Upon reaching the status of Brother, Nate made a bold declaration: he would give back to Phi Sigma Pi everything they had given to him during their show of generosity. To this end, he and Marisa Lally formed a powerful coalition within the Programming Committee. Out of this coalition was born their legendary campaign for the Programming Chair position.
Due to the purity of their hearts and the dedication to their cause, they ran unopposed. At the end of Spring Quarter 2012, Nate and Marisa were named Co-Programming Chairs.
Co-Programming Chair
As Co-Programming chairs, Nate and Marisa instituted wide-reaching policies of social construction. As Co-Chairs, their focus was on introducing members of the organization to a variety of different cultures and art forms. It is not an exaggeration to suggest that their Programming Events changed the lives of all who attended; in particular, the bike tour, book clubs, and Korean cooking class were transcendent experiences for dozens of people.
Nate and Marisa felt overjoyed at the success of their Programming efforts, but felt that there was even more they could do. In Spring semester 2013 they launched the second of their successful campaigns, this time with their eyes on the highest of positions: Initation Advisor. Landing this esteemed chair would land them in one of the coveted "top 5" positions in the chapter, positions of untold and ancient power.
Their campaign, though long and full of sacrifice, proved successful: in the Spring of 2013, they were sworn in as Co-Initiate advisors.
Co-Initiate Advisor
It was the Alpha Rho class that Nate and Marisa brought into the fraternity together. In a clever stroke of brilliance, Nate came up with the nickname of Alpha (B)Rho. As Initiate Advisors, Nate and Marisa showed immense dedication and care to the Alpha Rho class, each co-chair going out of their way to make initiation as exciting as possible by doing things like putting large photos of Eddie Murphy onto most of the powerpoint slides.
However, with their newfound powers as members of the Top 5 came new difficulties. In late November of 2013, Nate and Marisa
unexpectedly summoned basketball player Shaquille O'Neal to chapter. O'Neal, in a fit of confusion, performed a dunk so powerful that it destroyed an entire wing of the Ohio State student Union. This episode later became known as the "Shaq Attack" and would forever change the face of Beta Iota.
Threatened by the accidental display of power, a powerful conspiracy to remove Nate and Marisa from their positions was formulated within the membership of Beta Iota's eBoard. This conspiracy recruited members far and wide from across Ohio State; together, they came up with a scheme to remove Marisa from her post as co-chair. This plan was devious indeed, and took advantage of Marisa's newfound manager position within the University. It was decided that they would make her attend a meeting that occurred simultaneously as Initiate Meetings; this time conflict would ultimately result in her having to resign her chair. Nate and Marisa were ultimately defeated in the powerstruggle; Nate was too distracted by his campaign during the 2013 Papal Conclave to do anything to stop it. Since Marisa had to resign her position, Nate also had to resign per the official rules of the Beta Iota bylaws. Nate, dismayed by the collapse of everything he had built up over his time in Beta Iota, vowed to avenge Marisa and reclaim his place as Initiate Advisor.
With his Little, Mrinali, Nate began rebuilding what was lost. Together they restructured the Initaition Program; they created flash cards for all quizzes, created programs for initiates to bond with Brothers, and put together whole new events that could help bring Initiates back into the chapter. Through sheer force of will, they overcame the eBoard conspirators to emerge victorious.
Unfortunately, Nate let his heart become consumed by the darkness of the eBoard's betrayal. Back in his position of power, and with his rivals eliminated, Nate began instituting draconian policies throughout the Chapter. His ambition wasn't limited to Beta Iota, either; he had set his eyes on conquering every Phi Sigma Pi chapter across the country. Mustering up the full power of his forces, as well as basketball super-star Shaq, Nate and his forces descended upon the entire Buckeye Region. By the winter of 2014, the Buckeye Region was under his total control. With the Buckeye Region under his command, Nate declared the formation of a new Order, a new Phi Sigma Pi.
In an emergency meeting with National Chapter, the remaining eBoard members of the various conquered chapters met. Together, they formulated a plan on how to stop him. It was decided that Shaun Laubis, the leader of the conspiracy to remove him from the Initiate Advisor position, would face Nate in hand-to-hand combat. However, it was known far and wide that Shaun could not match Nate's pure skill in the martial arts. In a bizarre twist of events, Nate's old master, Nathaniel Kralik, emerged to train the new leader. Together they trained night and day.
It was decided that the final showdown would occur in Buckeye Stadium. The stands were packed with people, all eager to see what would become of Phi Sigma Pi.
Their punches were powerful enough to shatter the walls of the stadium and rip up grass for miles around. The fight was long and
grueling, with Nate taking early advantage over his opponent. Though Shaun fought valiantly, his effort was ultimately in vain; after several hours of high-powered kung-fu action, Nate stood over his opponent, victorious. However, just before striking the finishing blow, Nate realized that it was his own Big that taught Shaun how to fight him. With horror, he saw that he had become a monster and had turned everyone he ever knew against him, even the one who had taught him everything.
Standing down, Nate let Shaun finish the fight. However, rather than destroying the former Initiate Advisor, Shaun, along with all members of the National Convention, formed together to trap Nate within the Phantom Zone for all of eternity. Phi Sigma Pi National Honor Fraternity was saved. While orbiting the Earth trapped within the confines of his prison, Nate finally realized the error of his ways and learned that forgiveness is truly more powerful than rage.
Nate graduated Ohio State in May of 2014 and left the chapter to become an honorable alumni.
Also, all of this is 100% true and accurate.
Post Phi Sigma Pi
Nate works as a research assistant at Nationwide Children's hospital and hopes to pursue a career as a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner.
